Watching Others Sled

So, i just got done reading some of Marie's blogs... going to the theatre and watching plays with her family, cleaning (organizing) her kitchen and currently going through the numerous number of books in her office space at home. She is quite inspiring, and irritating all at once. dang her ambition, and her energy. Dang her active family life -- hobnobbing at the theatre and all her writing about her feelings and thoughts, about her anger at the catholics and their myopic (although I'm not so sure that even their short-sightedness is all that clear) vision about sexual abuse -v- abortion and her weeping easily... all this life going on.

I admire that and it makes me wonder about this life of mine. Today, outside it is a blizzard... it's beautiful and fierce. i love it. Later today we'll have to go out in it, walk a ways to the church for an event. It's been a snowy winter and i truly have enjoyed every flake. It is our second winter here and last year was an eye-opener for all us and especially Sofie. That girl is a snow-bunny -- her and Joe went out every day that was sled-able and were out for hours, climbing up hills, sledding down, laughing, snowy, red-cheeked, completely able. An entire new world for her. Olivija would be out for a few minutes and would be freezing and have to come in. I, of course, didn't even bother to go out. i would stand in the window and watch - waiting for Olivija to come in and needing help getting her boots off, and me warming her up with hot chocolate and snuggles. I would stand and watch the sledding. thinking to myself - oh man, i'm so glad i'm not out there. i am so NOT able. i can't climb those hills.

Part of the watching was the inability to climb up the hill - i blame my bad knees, but when i'm completely honest with myself the bad knees are a product of the comfort food and lack of exercise. it's a very simple and hard learned equation: comfort food + lack of exercise = big thighs and way too much weight to carry up little tiny sledding hills.

Back to Marie... there is a part of me that is standing at a window watching her climb the hills. I'm trying to figure out the equation of this. I really have nothing to blame - there are no "bad knees" in my abilities to be active. my equation theory really doesn't hold up. The variables are the unknown x's and y's of my life. x + y = lack of climbing up my hills. hmmmmm. i truly wish i was a mathematician at this point.

I will say this though - the comfort food + lack of exercise equation made much more sense last year. This year the equation has changed a little: healthy food + lack of exercise = smaller thighs and a little less weight to carry up little tiny sledding hills. This year i put on the boots, the snow pants, the gloves and hat and i hauled myself up the Dalenberg Slope and i slid down the hill. I got up, climbed back up and went down again, and again.

Eventually, i had to go in with Olivija (who was freezing) to help her with her boots and the warming up of her body... later, as I stood there at the window, sipping my own hot chocolate, i thought - oh, man, i wish i was out there still sledding. I am able. I can climb up those hills.