They Just Can't Stop

Today is the first day of Spring Break for the girls. They are exhausted and somewhat cranky and Sofie's tummy has been hurting for several days now, and Olivija didn't wash the shampoo out of her hair because the water got cold. They are just a little out of sorts. And there are several things on my mind about children. Not necessarily mine, just in general.

A few weeks ago I subbed in a 7th/8th grade English class on a Friday. There are 6 separate periods of either 7th graders or 8th graders. All day. Subbing isn't exactly my favorite thing to do with my life right now, but necessity sometimes takes over . Things were going fine until about 5th period. 7th graders. Filled with hormones and teenage angst they were antsy and jittery and just couldn't stop talking. I asked politely. talking. i asked not so politely. talking. I asked rather rudely. talking. Then it just didn't matter what i thought, said, or did. There were too many to send to "the principals office" and i couldn't leave so i just stared at them in disbelief and anger. They KNEW i was angry and they just couldn't stop.

I remember when i was in school and even then subs were treated like crap. Try to get away with as much as you could, that was the game. But, when the sub got mad, it was time to straighten up. That doesn't seem the case anymore. I don't really want to be that old person who says shit like "when i was a kid, we respected our elders..." blah blah blah... BUT... oh crap. i'm that old person. I got through that 5th period and had lunch and when the 6th period wandered in they were telling me how awful 5th period was and how they were saying i got really mad and they all felt bad. And then they were all kind and quiet and studious. And the 7th period came in and they evidently didn't hear about 5th period and were awful. I went home and curled up in a fetal position and cried for a while. seriously. Children brought me to that.

Today, my daughter came and sat next to me on the couch and we talked about her day was and she said it was fine and then somehow or another we got to this subject of people making fun of her. Red flag. I asked a few more questions about what these kids said and she told me that they called her names like "jerk" like "creepy" like "dumb, ugly and stupid." My heart just broke. I asked what she did when this happens and she said she just walks away, or watches them walk away. She doesn't know why they call her names because (she says) "i'm NOT those things."

So, here i am. heartbroken for her and for me and for these kids who have brought me to this point. There are these children that brought me to tears, and even younger children that brought my daughter to tears and i wonder how it happens to be that way. There are programs at the school about bullying and respect and that just doesn't seem to be sinking in. Have humans always been this way? Are we capable of learning anything about how to treat other humans in our lives? How do i explain right and wrong to my daughter when she is treated so unjustly by her peers?